There are many moments in my life I can label as turning points, or “hinge moments,” as I call them — days or occasions or milestones upon which my life altered its trajectory forever in a new direction.
Few are more significant than an otherwise random August morning in 2017.
That was the day that, at the Ocean Diner in Hermosa beach, Tri Bourne and I decided to start a podcast.
Over the next seven years and counting, I would be in a room, for at least an hour once a week, oftentimes many more, with one or several of the best beach volleyball players or coaches or high-impact individuals in the sport, talking story, life lessons, things that worked, things that didn’t, habits they enjoy, mistakes they’ve made. For seven years, SANDCAST has allowed me to pick the brains of everyone from Olympic gold medalists to legendary big wave surfers, share saunas and enjoy deep conversations with NBA All-Stars and A-list actors and producers who are peerless in their category.
Many of these people would become some of my closest friends, people I see or talk to nearly every day.
Merely being in their presence — not to mention the nearly ubiquitous presence of Bourne, my co-host and close friend who I see nearly every day — has changed my life.
To be clear: I do not believe myself to be in any category similar to that of an April Ross or Laird Hamilton or Phil Dalhausser or Michael Gervais or anyone of that ilk — the best of the best, the GOATs, all of whom have appeared multiple times on the podcast.
But would I have the habits I do, the drive I do, the knowledge I do, without having been surrounded by people of that nature for so many years?
Zero chance.
James Clear put it best when he wrote: “When you choose your friends today, you’re choosing your habits for tomorrow.”
I am, for better or worse, an impressionable individual. The environment in which I put myself has a massive impact on my behavior and habits.
In the Manhattan finals with Betsi Flint and Julia Scoles/Photo: Ben Wood
Over the years, I have become self-aware enough to know that, when I’m around a group of friends who is more likely to drink, I’m more likely to drink. When I’m around morning risers, I become a morning riser. When I’m around happy people, I’m happier.
I married a woman who doesn’t skip church on Sundays. I no longer skip church on Sunday.
She prays frequently. I do too.
When I’m around high performers, my mindset takes a noticeable shift. My rate of growth becomes exponentially steeper.
This is no accident.
Perhaps it took me too long to realize this, but the people in my life have a much greater impact on my decision-making and habits than my own self-discipline does. I was sort of ashamed and embarrassed by this at first, but then I simply gave in and picked my company wisely.
Work smarter, not harder.
I don’t believe I’m alone in this, and studies have proven it in all sorts of ways, even down to wealth.
When people have a wealthier friend group, they are more likely to save money and invest in the stock market themselves, according to a study titled Friends with Benefits: Social Capital and Household Financial Behavior.
“But the researchers weren’t looking at country-club buddies profiting from trading stock tips,” elaborated Andrew Keshner on MarketWatch. “They were examining a potential path to narrowing the gap between the haves and have-nots: In fact, people from lower-income households save and invest more once they have friends with more money, their findings suggest.
” ‘Our results suggest that encouraging friendships across socioeconomic classes could improve lifetime wealth accumulation and help break cycles of poverty for individuals with low socioeconomic status,’ wrote the authors, who were affiliated with Baylor University’s Hankamer School of Business, Binghamton University’s School of Management and the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business.
“Every 10% increase in friends of a high socioeconomic status was associated with a nearly 3% greater chance of stock-market participation for a person and a 5% increase in the chance they saved money, the researchers said.”
That is a long digression on wealth, which is not the main point of this blog, but I have every reason to believe the same could be applied to whatever category it is you seek to improve in your life. Want to get better at beach volleyball? Surround yourself with better beach volleyball players. Happier? Make happy friends. Want to get jacked? Befriend the meatheads.
Choosing your friends today is, indeed, choosing your habits tomorrow.
I’ve been fortunate enough that my career path has put me in rooms or beaches or gyms with high-performing individuals of excellent character. In a few days, I will be even more exposed to that when I arrive at Florida State, sharing a staff with Brooke Niles, already one of the winningest beach volleyball coaches in the country, and Nick Lucena, a two-time Olympian. I’ll share offices with one of the most successful athletic departments in the entire NCAA. I’ll be charged with leading the brightest up-and-coming talent in the sport.
And, if the past seven years is any indicator, I’ll be better because of them.
